BEAUTY QUEEN

It was 4.30 in the evening.

I was preparing snacks in the kitchen. Suddenly, I heard the loud voice,”Amma, Amma” …..Yes, it was my younger daughter Kavya.

This serene calm girl always comes very silently. No high volume talks, no sharing of school experiences. Just a Hi only when she returns from the school. Always, she sips the coffee munching the snacks, watching the television.  When, I ask any questions about the school, she replies in 2-3 words.

Today, on hearing her shouting, I ran to the entrance fearing something, but the moment she saw me, she hugged me and kissed me and jumpingly told, Amma, I have a surprise for you  guess?

“I will just go to the kitchen, bring the snacks, by that time, you just go and change and then we will talk”

Hearing this, she pushed me to the chair, ran to the kitchen, switched off the stove and came back runningly.

“No, let’s discuss first”

“What surprise dear,are you the school leader this time also”

“No Ma, it is something you asked me to do always”

“Ok dear, I give up”

“Ma, I have joined a competition, can you guess which competition.

It was to my utter surprise that she joins a competition. She had the inborn talents of drawing and writing but even after repeated requests from all the family members, she never joins a competition.

“Have you joined the drawing competition”

“No”

Suddenly, as usual with a loud bang my elder daughter Bhavya came back from college.

“Ha, this is a surprise, what discussion is going on here”

“You sit here, I said”

“No, I am very hungry, only after taking some food, I will join you..

See, she has joined a competition.

“soon her hunger flew away, jumpingly she shouted,

“what my dear, you have joined a competition. Which competition dear, singing, drawing, craftmaking……she said in a breath.

“No, No ….. guess

“Ok, I give up.

“Me too ..Bhavya

Ma, they are conducting a beauty contest in our school, and I have joined it.

We were speechless for a moment and then Bhavya was looking into my eyes.

“My mouth wide open, I asked “what beauty competition?

“Yes, Have I done anything wrong.”

No, No…you carry on…..I said and went to the kitchen.

I know very clearly that she will be eliminated from the beauty contest in the first round with her plain looks and slim physique and usual shyness. But, on seeing her enthusiasm, I don’t know, how to make her withdraw from the competition.

Firstly, I thought, I will ask Bhavya to talk to her, as these two girls shared a bond. But then, I thought it is 15 days more, by that time, she will change her mind.

From that day, onwards, Kavya was very enthusiastic. Everyday, back from school, she discussed about competition. Infact, she was always talking about the competition.

As per usual routine, on return from school, she after taking the coffee, sits calmly, do the daily chores, studies and sleep. She talks very very less.

Now a days, she was always doing something or other for the contest. She herself arranged the dress, make up and ornaments. Always, she was talking and humming .

Unlike  Kavya, Bhavya talks a a lot. Everyday, she has lot of things to discuss. Her talks were never ending.

When, it was only six days left for the competition, and it was the last day to withdraw from the competition, we hoped that she will withdraw herself. But on that day also, the preparations went on.

Then, on that day, Bhavya came to me and secretly asked, “Amma, what do you thing of her competing in the contest? We know she will be eliminated in the first round which she cannot bear. Then why are you not discouraging her?

“See dear, I do want to ask her to withdraw from the competition, but seeing her enthusiasm, I am unable to tell her.

“Amma, I have also tried to speak her, but I have not seen her so adamant. She says, whatever comes, she will compete

Five more days left, kavya’s enthusiasm were in heights along with our fears.

We fearfully watched the preparations she made. We were always discussing about consoling her on elimination. But she had the confidence that she will be the beauty queen of the school.

Then, the day of the competition came. Mind was very fearful. Kavya, went to the school, very early with all her preparation. Bhavya took half day and came in the noon.

We both went to the competition with heavy hearts. Everybody was smiling and talking. We both were not in the  mood of talking and enjoying. Bhavya, being the old student of the school, went to the teachers and talked.

But to our surprise, we didn’t see Kavya anywhere there.

Then, the competitions started. One by one competitors came, we sat there holding breath and hand in hand. But, Kavya didn’t came to the stage. This time, we were very relaxed. We thought that she herself had withdrawn from the contest in the last moment.

The results were announced. The girl who was selected as the beauty queen came to the stage, collected the prize and then she was asked to make a speech.

In the speech she told that, I am just a beauty queen in the stage. But the real beauty queen is my very best friend Kavya. Kavya has helped me to win this contest, Actually, she is my sponsorer. She gave me dresses, ornaments etc. and above all the confidence to face this stage. I just want to introduce my dear friend before you all.

Then, she invited Kavya to the stage. She came to the stage with her usual calmness and shyness. Claps and cheers were going on for her in the stage. Then the principal asked her, “what made you do this girl” She as a reply to the question, my main encouragement in my mother and sister. I have told my parents that, I am a joining the contest. I know, they were very fearful of me losing the contest in the first round. But still they never discouraged me, and they are here to watch me in the stage.

Tears were rolling down out cheeks. Both me and Bhavya were crying. After the programme, Kavya, as usual came running to us. Bhavya went to her and hugged her tightly.

“Amma, why both of you are crying”, is it coz, I have not joined the competition.

“No dear, No”, you are the real beauty queen today, you have made us proud today. You are the beauty queen of our hearts dear.”

26^th March, 2008, I cannot forget this day in my life. My ammamma left me on this day…..

Many a relatives, has said to me that, she was a tough person, or it is quiet difficult to get along with her, But I was her most favourite grandchild.

The will power she had was beyond one’s expectation. She was very modern, she was not superstitious. She always told me, if I was educated at that time, I would have been a magistrate today….Yes, she could be, when we came to know the hardships she faced in her childhood and then how she overcame it, and after marriage,she learned reading and writing…Yes, she read English also….not the sentences, but she understood the alphabets…..she after coming to Delhi, learned to speak hindi also……

I always called her Amma, during my childhood, we spoke only for 3 days a week, on the other 4 days, we quarreled with each other, and we didn’t talk with each other. But on that days also, everything was regulat. She packed my lunchbox, she came to call me back from school, she will hold my school bag…..everything was normal, except the talking part…..after that, we talked with each other, as if nothing had happened, and again the next quarrel starts…..

After grown up, she was more than a grandmother, she was just like a friend. I shared my college experiences with her….She listened to it, argued with me on right and wrong. Till today many of my friends (Esp. Boys) remember her . They always tell the taste of food by her….

She knows a little bit of astrology, so, I asked her many questions. Her answers were always positive and motivating. I always asked her, amma……when will I get a govt. job, she said……konthe, illaida, onak ath kidakath, aana athuk mele yenavath kidakum…..Sometimes, she told me…..I am going to die….then at that time I cried, then she soothed me….Onak 2 kuzhanthakal aayi, avale paarth, nee nalla oru positionle aayit thaan naan poven….and she kept her word…..

One day, while we were all away from home, she got her first heart attack, at that time, she was cleaning the home, she felt the pain. She quickly laid down in the coat, after some time, she got up and completed the cleaning. In the evening, when we came, she told us that, she had a little pain. Ani took her to the doctor, the doctor came to know that this was the condition. The doc was appa’s friend, so he quickly called appa, and asked him to take her to medical college, and asked amma, not to move or walk. But then she walked coolly from the doctor’s home to the nearest junction to get into a autorickshaw, and when we rushed her to the medical college, they put her in the ICU for 5 days. I still remember, when during the time allotted, I went to see her in the ICU, she started talking……then the nurse told her, not to talk too much.

Who cares……she told me…Nee aathile poyi comb ellam eduthund vaa, naan thalaye vaari pinni ketti vittaren….where the doctor has asked her not to take even a mug of water with hands.

The will power she had is amazing…..On the day of March 25^th When I went to see her, she was a little bit out of senses. She was showing the last moment symptoms. Ididn’t get it, but later came to know about it.

She was unable to know people. But the moment, I held her hand, mummy asked, athai, ith yaaru shollaraya…..suddenly she said: ith ennode kuzhanthai aakum….and then she asked me , nee innak pokanda, enge ennod kittake paduthuko…I laid down with her in the night, she was talking too much in the night, I asked her, ammak ini aare aavath parkanama, the moment, she answered: konthe, paar ennod intha right side poyach, kannuk kazhcha illai, naalek noon intha time minnadi  naan poyiduven. Ini ennale yaareyum paaka mudiyatha. She knows that death was approaching. I asked her, amma bhayamirukka, ethukkudi bhayapedanam, enakanalum ponam….ath oru vela minthi avalvo thane. She faced the death with the same calmness and steadiness with which she faced the lifed. At this point I asked, amma ippadi yellam shollaraye, amma ponna, inime ennak yaaru irukka, at this point she told me, unak eppo venamanalum enne koopadalam, naan un kitteye iruppen….nee kanne moodi naan vanthuduven.

Yes, till date, whenever I get a little bit tensed, I remember her, the face gives me good soothing and solace,she sometimes, speaks to me , she advises me….I feel her warmth, when I enter the room where she had her last breath, We in our home, never ever has felt that, she is no more, she is there, talking to each and everybody.

I do want to write more about her, but tears are not allowing …….

Don't Hope.....Just Decide

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about — the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly. This one occurred a mere two feet away from me.

Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.

First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, “Me, too, Dad!”

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug.

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi, baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed. “I love you so much!” They stared at each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands.

For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t possibly be. I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?

“Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those.” he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. “Two whole days!”

Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he’d been gone for at least several weeks – if not months. I know my expression betrayed me.

I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”

The man suddenly stopped smiling.

He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, “Don’t hope, friend… decide!” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless!

I still recall the tender smile, the cheerful face

Of my dearest dad who shared and cheered

My moments of pain, movements in pai

You are the greatest dad I’ve ever seen

My nights were alive with your stories vivid

In your cosy bosom, my fears were unfounded

But today, I’m left to myself, to my world

Of memories enveloped in your gentle strong arms.

How can I forgot you Dad?

In mayflower I see your face again

Sentiments of love, rudiments of learning

I owe my dad…the alphabet of living

Memories of your kind letters

Still bring holidays in my life

Today I think and thank

In my little world.the giant of a dad

I love you my dad……..

Every Mother Needs a Daughter

All mothers need a daughter-
someone like her to be
To dress her up and take her out
for all the world to see.
To brush her hair so shiny
the pretty bows to tie
To teach her how to clean her room
and how to bake a pie.
Then one day when she's older
and finds her love so true
She never will forget the many
things she learned from you.
Someday she'll have her children
my wish for her would be
To have a lovely daughter
one who is just like she

Once , I just Asked My Parents,
Who 'm I ? You are My Child...

Once , I just Asked My Brother 'n Sister,
Who 'm I ? You are My Sister...

Once , I just Asked to My Friend,
Who 'm I ? You are My Friend...

Once , I just Asked to Other,
Who 'm I ? You are Strenger...

Once , I just Asked to God,
Who 'm I ? You are My Art...

But that was not My Answer...
I wanna hear something else
Suddenly I 'm shocked when someone Call me...

I Just Asked to Him...
Who Are You ? He told me...

I 'm Your Dream
I 'm Your Life
I 'm Your Everything
I 'm Your Real love...

This is me...
'coz I wanna to here only just "You Are My Love".. !

But Nobody Tell Me This.. !!

that's life

Tears roll down the cheeks but no one to stop them...
People say I care but as usual they are just words...

The world is filled but still it gives the feeling of Emptiness...
Life wants itself to be ended but it still continues to beat...

People are all around saying we are there
but still eyes are in search of some one who really cares...
That's life-undefined yet we desire to live.. !